My Kundalini Awakening

So I had this awakening of some sort about a year and a half ago and I was blissed out for nearly a year. I was seeing magic in everything :rolling eyes:. No worries, I finally feel like my old cynical self again. :sigh:

Have you ever read "After the Ecstasy, the Laundry" by Jack Kornfield? If you are on a spiritual path of any kind, it's a must read. In no way am I saying I'm enlightened by any means, but awakening to the interconnectedness of everything is quite the slap upside the head...with a sledgehammer. The stars and birds blink and tweet above your head for a while and then the brain swelling begins to cause nausea and headaches. I can see how living in a cave and hardly ever seeing many people would be much more conducive to maintaining a blissed out state. However, living in NYC and having a stressful day job will kill a dharma buzz in a new york minute.

I'm blessed with an uncomplicated life (ahem, single no kids) so taking a week off to pace my apartment in a manic state was called paid sick time. If I hadn't had a meditation practice, I would have checked myself into a psych hospital for a mental breakdown or mid-life crisis or gone to the ER for a brain scan. I knew this was either the Buddhas kicking my spiritual ass or a brain tumor.

After five days of not sleeping or eating, just frantically writing crazy memories and pacing like a lunatic, it climaxed in a near hallucinatory vision of a golden tapestry. I could see how every single thing was interconnected and meaningful, even down to a grain of sand. I think I was crying and laughing at the same time. A profound blanket of peace settled on me and I felt as though I could sit there for ever accept that I couldn't wait to write it down (can you say grasping?). I was so excited by it. I was pouring out love to every one on the street and on the subway. Don't panic, I wasn't actually interacting with anyone like a real crazy person, but I was sending out the love vibes because I simply didn't know what else to do.

I was clearly out of my league, so I reached out for some guidance. My meditation teacher simply listened and smiled. Research on the Internet and several more books later, I figured it was some kind of Kundalini awakening. I still don't know what that is! There are so many different descriptions, so many different views on what to do and what not to do (do energy work, don't do energy work). None of my Dharma books say anything about it. Bits and pieces of this new age book, that new age blog, and different online forums of normal people chatting about their experiences have been more help than anything else. Books by so-called experts usually take an "I know everything, do it this way or else" approach and that doesn't sit right with me, and men write most of them, of course. "Oneness" by Rasha (a woman) was the only book I found to be quite helpful, though, a bit 'out there.' (Yes, gender makes a difference in how deep emotional experiences are written and since I'm a woman...)

So, after all that, this is where I am with it: I suppose I'm supposed to just make of it whatever and however is helpful to me on my path. I think.

:-/

It's just a crazy memory now. I almost hope it doesn't happen again.